Warning: This is the grossest post I’ve ever done.
Seriously.
I’m not kidding.
Fine. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Okay, this has to be a super quick post because class is going to begin soon. I think I should get bonus points in life for being able to do polynomial long division. Anybody who can do anything that useless should get some sort of extra credit. I don’t know what it should be, maybe an unexpected windfall or a free ice cream. Something. I’m just saying…
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Could she get a bit more comfortable??
Today is Lucie’s 6th adoption day. It’s been six years of pooping, puking, fur, bed hogging, kisses, hugs, and unconditional love. All during the day, I’ve been cringing about reminicing about Lucie’s puppy days. One of my favorite stories is from our early days together. After Lucie had been home for about 3 months (she was about a year old), we had my sister’s 16th birthday party. My mom got a huge sheet cake that was half chocolate and half vanilla. After the party, we set the cake on a table in the kitchen. Several days after the party, I had to run a quick errand. I figured it would be okay to leave the dog home alone because I would only be gone for literally 10 minutes. When I got back, I walked into the kitchen and saw little pieces of foil all over the floor. I walked it further and saw it. Oh. My. God. Lucie had gotten into the cake and got frosting everywhere. The carpet had frosting ground into it. The walls were covered in speckles of white frosting. And sitting right in the middle of this mess was Miss Lucie. She was literally white from all the frosting. She’d helped herself to the chocolate side of the cake and licked the frosting off the vanilla side. Apparently, I’d interrupted her from finishing her snack. Like I said, Oh. My. God. The lesson? Never leave a puppy home alone. Ever.
Posted in The Tilted Dog | No Comments »
Okay, if you want to get technical, happy night before Easter. Here at the House of Kimmi-san, we decided to start a new Easter tradition – making a Resurrection Cake. Okay, that was my name for it, but it kinda fit. Anyhow, after *a lot* of frosting and food coloring, this is what we came up with.
Pretty, isn’t it. I know. I’m as shocked as you are.
Posted in Family Matters | 2 Comments »
I finally decided once and for all to move. I’m hoping to be able to import my old blog posts soon, but WordPress doesn’t seem to want to do that today. Sorry for the generic format, but I have to wait until I have enough time to do a serious upgrade.
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Dear Mother Nature,
Do you hate me? This past year, all I wanted was to have a white Christmas. But no. On Christmas, it was 53 degrees. Instead, you seem to feel the need to give me a white Easter. WTF? Is this my punishment for not recycling that one bottle last week?
Sincerely,
Kim L.
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Strange – I was telling my dad that I can’t sleep at night, mainly because I hear Glitter Sister whose up all night. My dad told me I should drink wine and smoke a little pot before bed – and meant it.
Stranger – I was almost taken out by a pigeon. As I was walking to my car, I started to open the door when I noticed that a crazed, psychotic pigeon on a direct trajectory toward my forehead. My only thought? After all the crap I’ve dealt with, this is how I go?? Fortunately, I was able to duck, and the bird nailed the fence behind me instead. Here’s a weird thought – is the word “stupid” implied by the word pigeon?
Strangest – I’m addicted to this show on the Discovery Channel called “A Haunting”. No, that’s not the strange part. Well, maybe it is. You can decide later. Anyhow, the show recreates people’s experiences living in haunted houses. Most episodes end with the families fleeing in terror from the house. Usually I have sympathy for these people, but today? Not so much. You see, today’s show profiled the stupidest people in America. The couple was looking to buy a house in New England, and the realtor was showing them a 100+ year old fixer-upper. Then came some clues that they should never in a million years buy that house.
Clue #1 – The realtor told them that she’d been in the house once, but would never go back in. She refused to explain.
Clue #2 – The family living in the house had boarded up all the upstairs doors and was living in the living room on mattresses with sheets over the doorways. The family repeatedly told the couple that they were not allowed to go upstairs.
Okay, let’s think about this. It’s never a good sign when the *realtor*, you know, the person who’s trying to sell the house, won’t set foot inside. Secondly, even if you don’t believe in ghosts, why would you buy a house that a psychotic family has just lived in?! They would know where you live!! They could come back and kill you in your sleep! So anyway, the stupidest people in America buy the house, and of course, the spooks come out to play. A lot of them. The kicker? After the couple had lived there for several years and had been scared out of the wits most days, a realtor came to them with an offer from a man to buy the house for twice what they paid. They turned it down. Come on people! Even if your house isn’t haunted, that’s a pretty hard offer to pass up. Apparently, after a “successful exorcism”, the couple still lives there with their kids. Like I said, normally I have sympathy for these people, but not today. These idiots deserved every ghost, ghoul, and bump in the night they got!
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Maybe I’m a bit biased, but isn’t he adorable?? His name is Alasdair, and he’s the son of one of my best friends. Unfortunately, Alasdair and his family live in California, which is way too far from my house. But the good news is that they’re in visiting this week! YAY!!!! The other night, I got to play with Alasdair and hold him. I just love that kid. He’s such an easy-going baby, and he’s so easy to be around. He’s 10 months old, and just learned how to crawl. It’s hysterical to watch him. He’s pretty mobile, but doesn’t quite have it down yet. His dad calls it the “wounded army man crawl”. That about covers it, all right. I wish they lived closer so that I could see him more often, but since they can’t, I’ll just enjoy the time I do have with him. I keep trying to convince his mom to get a blog. That way, I could here all the Alasdair stories she has and see all the pictures. Peer pressure! Maybe one day…*cough* Shelley *cough*
Posted in Catching up | No Comments »
Crap. I hate Wednesdays. I have the most horrible professor in the world. He makes us call him Captain. Yeah. Why you ask? “To show respect for the 3 years I spent overseas defending your freedom.” Uh-huh. I have a feeling that by “defending your freedom” he means a nice tour of the Mediterranean. Secondly, he’s an NRA instructor. The worst part? He hates liberals and bashes them for all 3 1/2 hours of class. The funniest part? His nose is blue. Literally blue. I’m not quite sure why, but it sure distracts me from learning in his class. You’d think this would be fun. I could so easily torment him, but the problem is that he has the power over my grade. With one swipe of his pen, he could destroy my 4.0. Like I said, crap. The worst part is what he did to me last week. He gave me a B on my speech. This is what he wrote in big bold letters on my paper – BLEEDING HEART LIBERAL. Granted, I am one, but why is that such a bad thing? Why should I be punished for my beliefs when he specifically stated that he was not grading our speeches on ideas? What a turd.
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My mom is the best mom in the whole world. Last Saturday, I had to take the Praxis for teaching certification. I had to get up really early, and of course, it had snowed all night. My mom told me the night before that she’d get up and start my car. I told her that she really didn’t have to do that. But when I got up, the lights were on downstairs. I figured that she got up, started my car, and went back to bed. When I looked out the window, sure enough, my car had been started. At this point, I’m thinking my mom is a goddess. My car was still covered in snow, but I didn’t care because it would be warm when I got in. When I went down to my car, I pulled on the handle to get in, but the car was locked. As I was fumbling for my spare key, I heard a knock…from the inside of the car… and a voice that said “Honey? You have to go in through the back. I’m locked in.” My first thought? “Oh dear god, I found Mom.” How did my mom get herself locked in my car for 35 minutes you ask? Well, let me explain. My car is old. Really old. The locks freeze when the temperature drops below 30, even if there is no ice. Furthermore, I have a hatchback, but you can’t open it from the inside because it’s so old. Therefore, when my mom couldn’t unlock the doors, she climbed through the hatchback. However, she didn’t open it fully, so when she stepped on the back seat, the hatchback slammed shut on her. So, for the next 35 minutes, she was stuck in my car until I rescued her. Here’s when I feel really badly. You see, I know the trick to getting out of my car when this happens. I just never shared this information with anybody because I didn’t think anyone else would ever need it! I was wrong. When I asked my mom why she didn’t use the horn, she said it was 6 am on a Saturday morning and she didn’t want to wake the neighbors. Also, she liked the CD I had on. Glad I could accommodate you, Mom. Here’s the kicker. After I freed her from my car, she insisted on cleaning my car off, and just told me to do well on my test. Can you see why I now have to get her the best Mother’s Day gift EVER????
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