How to know you’re way too distracted:
Step 1: Pull into friendly neighborhood strip mall.
Step 2: Become fascinated with the woman in the car next to you who’s having a complete conversation with her purchases. Realize she’s not on a cell phone, she addressing each package by name.
Step 3: Become very afraid. Walk quickly into store.
Step 4: Purchase item.
Step 5: Walk out of store only to realize you have no car keys.
Step 6: Walk back into store and search for keys. Have no luck.
Step 7: Decide to search car.
Step 8: Realize that no only have you locked the keys in the car, you left them in the ignition with the car running.
Step 9: Thank the Christmas gods for the fact that you always carry a spare key in your purse for just such an occasion (you have been known to lock keys in the car frequently).
Step 10: Head home. You’re a danger to yourself.
Bonus Glitterism:
I called Glitter Sister last night to cheer her up from a bad finals week. I decided to tell her about Friday’s Christmas party. She got hysterical and then mentioned something I failed to take into consideration before. You see, both of us had a particular teacher that we’ll call Mr. Blank. Mr. Blank seriously went a bit mental in the six years between when I had him and when Glitter Sister did. When she had him, Mr. Blank invited her whole class over to his house for a pizza party, while insisting repeatedly that they all bring their bathing suits for the hot tub. Creepy. Anyway, after I told Glitter Sister the story, she laughed and then paused. Then she said “OMG, what if Mr. Blank is there?? He’ll invite you into the hot tub!! And there won’t even be a hot tub!!” Okay, if he’s there, I am so not leaving my boyfriend’s side all night!
