Dear President Pig-Fucker,
Because of you and your retarded post-9/11 immigration laws (which don’t work *at all*), I will not be with part of my family on Christmas Day. Why you ask? Let me explain. My cousin Jimmy is a US citizen who lives and works in Australia. His partner, who’s Malaysian, also lives and works in Australia. Both are wonderful, law-abiding citizens. Who I won’t see come Christmas, Mr. Fucktard. You see, being Malaysian, Terry had to apply for a visa to enter the United States. Because, you know, holy shit, he could be a terrorist. Flee in horror! Anyway, Terry applied in August, informing the appropriate agencies of his travel plans and itineraries. To get this visa, Terry had to first pass an interview. Your dumbass agents scheduled the interview for Dec. 11, knowing full well that he was planning on leaving on the 21st. After completing his interview, he was informed that he would need to wait 6 weeks to get his visa. WTF??!! Hey Fucktards! You scheduled his interview too late!! Learn basic math!! As a result, family members who I haven’t seen in over 5 years will be missing from my Christmas table. Merry Fucking Christmas, Pig-fucker.
