That’s it. I’ve officially renamed the dumb squirrel who lives near my apartment Darwin. Why? Because “Survival of the Fittest” is bound to catch up to him one of these days. This squirrel is either very near-sighted or has a very low IQ. Either way, he’s not fit for procreation. Just the other night, the dog and I were sitting on the patio (and had been for awhile), when Darwin (the squirrel, not the man. That would have been creepy.) comes meandering up to us. I don’t know if he just didn’t see Lucie or didn’t care, but he came within a foot of her before realizing she was there. At least he had the decency to look surprised when she lunged at him. And this is not the first time this has happened either. Normally, I condemn her attempted murder of small, furry woodland creatures, but this time I didn’t. I just laughed. Oh come on, we all know she’d be doing nature a favor.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Darwin has a residence in the tree in front of my neighbor’s apartment either. Her cat, Pita, and Darwin deserve each other. There are plenty of birds and squirrels that gather on my neighbor’s patio because she has birdfeeders. Pita sits at the sliding glass door all day and watches them. When the excitement gets to be too much for her, she charges head-first at them and smashes her face against the glass. According to my neighbor, this happens multiple times a day. It’s really funny to watch because every time Pita crashes, she has this look on her face like “Where the hell did that $%#*# glass come from??!!” It’s a good thing she’s fixed because, like Darwin, she has no right to procreate.
Do you think there’s something in the water? Do I have to worry about Lucie catching it?? Do I have to worry about me catching it??? Never mind. Do *not* answer that last question…
